Cease Your Praying, The ‘Telephone’ Music Video Has Finally Arrived

First of all, way to make us wait for this. Second of all, thank you. Although I’m not sipping the Gaga sizzurp (more on that later) with abandon like much of the internet, this video is a nearly ten minute retort to the “Video Phone” video in which Beyoncé sonned Lady Gaga like a fool. “Telephone” is ludicrous and amazing from the jailhouse to the desert. But, like Levar Burton, you don’t have to take my word for it. Watch and meet me on the other side of the rainbow after the bounce.

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Rather than dissect the video I’m going to simply list some key moments and leave the discussion to you fellow Bouncers in the comments.

  • “I told you she didn’t have a dick.” “Too bad.”
  • Gaga’s lit cigarette glasses and genderqueer make out session in John Waters and Diane Arbus‘ lovechild’s jail yard
  • Three minutes pass before the music even starts, and when it does Gaga has soda can curlers in her hair
  • The MJ-esque dance move she does exiting the jail after “some idiot” breaks her out
  • PUSSY WAGON
  • Golden Globe nominee “Honey Bee” scolds Gaga then feeds her a pastry
  • The hilarity of “Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger.”
  • Hiring Gaga has its perks, right Polaroid?
  • Also, f–k product placement in music videos
  • Tyrese loses
  • And so does everyone else who sips the sizzurp
  • Patriotism! Murder! Choreography!
  • Is there a Tarantino gift shop someplace where one can get purchase of those key chains?
  • Behold the legacies of Janet and Madonna!
Fin?

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