Things That Don't Need to Happen, Vol. 58

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Perez Hilton
may soon be doodling all over the recording industry in the same manner as his highly-trafficked celebrity gossip site. The rumor posted this week in the New York Times has Perez (slave name: Mario Lavandeira) possibly assuming a position at Warner that will enable him to act as an all-supreme talent broker.

Mr. Lavandeira has been negotiating a deal that would provide him with his own imprint at Warner Brothers Records, a division of the music giant Warner Music Group, he said. This was confirmed by several other people associated with the talks who spoke on condition of anonymity because no deal has been made. The talks are preliminary, and an agreement is not certain, but Mr. Lavandeira could receive $100,000 a year as an advance against 50 percent of any profits generated by artists he discovers and releases through Warner Brothers, these people said.

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Perez Hilton is a "Tastemaker of The Future". You know, the future that was prophecized in the Bible, complete with war, conquest, pestilence, death and people screaming "First!"

Perez Hilton Could Play New Role: A&R Man [NYT]

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